I have nothing better to do right now then write. It’s been a common theme these past few days. I've been filling my time by being pathetic and moping. ANYwaysss...I’ll say what's on my mind this moment.
People are beautiful. Yes they mess up and you have your assholes and other nefarious characters but essentially, people are beautiful. We all have the opportunities to be beautiful. What I'm really saying is that all my moping has made me realize that people’s thoughts, minds, and feelings are beautiful. The way some people openly share what's going on with them; the way they so eloquently and efficiently speak what their feeling… it’s all so wonderful to me. I love it. Feelings in general are beautiful. The thought that one thing, a song, a person, a moment and evoke such passion from someone, whether it be a suicidal thought, or hysterical laughter…it is amazing the capacity we have to feel and to share. Its dangerous sure sharing is being open, it’s allowing people to peer in and walk around inside of you. I advise you be careful too. You're heart is special and its important, for me it’s everything, so I'm very careful what I let out and what I let people see, but despite all of that I want someone to share their wonderful beautiful thoughts with me, even if it’s just silly musings on why the sky is blue I want to have that sharing with someone. And don’t get me wrong if had that, and I have that with a few friends but it doesn’t beat having that with a stranger and over time letting that stranger in and becoming more than acquaintances. I love building bonds like that. It’s exciting for me.
But I what I really want to say and what's really on my mind right now is that once in my life
I want someone to think I'm beautiful again. I’ve had people tell me before but it’s not the same. They think I'm beautiful for the wrong reasons. They're either liars or distracted with physical attraction. I want someone to be open with me and tell me that my mind is beautiful. I want someone to love my thoughts and think something of them. I might have had something like that in my past but I’ve never felt that from someone. No one has ever had the courage to tell me. And that makes me doubt myself. I'm very self doubtful and I’ve had plenty of reason to but that’s another story I don’t delve into. What I really want is someone to want to get to know me for what I have to say. I want them to want me because they think I have something wonderful and interesting to say, to be bold enough to start up a conversation because they think more than my outsides are attractive. Hopefully I’ll find that one day.