sarahjane paynter (sarahjane_finch) wrote in obsessiveminds,
sarahjane paynter

who am i?

Sometimes I don't feel like a real person, I feel like an expectation, or a persona or a comedic portrayal of amusement,
I find it hard to be close to people, find it hard to really open myself up and feel that connection with people, it always seems to function on a semi-artificial way, its not that i'm fake, its just i'm constantly feeling awkward or self examining.

I have so many wonderful friends who have helped and guided me in so many deep and astounding ways and although they know I love them, I don't think they realized how much they have done for me over the years.

I moved from Liverpool my home town to North Wales, basically from the city to the country and although I love where I live and adore the life I've made, I left alot of my friendships behind, not seeing people regularly is really difficult, i don't feel like I have people I can talk to, I have made new friends but even they are not really close by.
I need to make a commitment with myself to reach out to my friends more, to talk and chat with them even if I don't see them in person.
I need to remember that its not a bad thing to let my walls down and open myself up a bit
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